DAVID

David came to my mind recently when I happened to look on to his Instagram profile randomly. I have quit that social platform, but I still are in charge of a work account.

My heart skipped a beat for a second when I saw he was in Berlin. He who has a significant meaning in my life, has been to my city. Why is David so important to me?

Well, without him, there would be no podcast, no meditations, basically nothing that I have created.

He was the first person who told me, my voice is quite decent, comforting and has a nice tone, when I always thought my voice was too nasal, too quirky and not very presentable. And that is true too. My voice has many facets of sound.  

David and I, we had just one moment together, but that moment was profound for me, as it was like God speaking to me, to start harnessing the gift of my voice. Many things have been said to me before, that I didn’t pay attention to, but when he said this back in the days in 2018 while living the Bali-bubble life, it activated something within me. I remember that moment well. It’s one of those memories, which stay for life, because they are life changing. It was probably the nicest thing he ever said to me (maybe he said some other nice things too, but exaggerating always makes a good story).

I had a serious crush on David.

A crush that lead to illuminating the father wound that kicked in so hard the moment he “rejected” me. I lost myself in suffering over not being able to come further than being an adventure for many men.

It took me some time to realize the patterning behind my choice of men, which has always been related to my desire to gain my father’s appreciation and love. When you feel deeply unseen by your parents for who you are, it causes pain and suffering in a very painful way. The parts inside you, that long for love and connection will become needy and others will feel that, especially partners or potential partners.

David was very honest with me from the beginning. He never pretended anything. He made clear what he was looking for and where he was at in his life at that time. He saw our encounter for what it was, whereby I wanted to extend the specialness of this precious moment and therefore held on to it so tight. I wanted it to continue, I so desperately wanted it to continue to not feel the wound beneath.

David would never feed my neediness, but pointing out bluntly with a touch of love, what I needed to see. I couldn’t appreciate his way of behaving back then. Well, I can now. His wisdom beyond words was only recognisable for me years after we met.

He has a place in my heart. I sometimes wish we would have met in another time of my life. I was so lost, I was so desperate for love that I anchored into every affection I could get. I was aware of it, but the wound still dictated my behaviour. One reason why I dove so much into spirituality was the fact, that my pain was unbearable. I needed spirituality to give my life a meaning, to understand why I felt so different from other humans.

David became my invisible friend in the spiritual world. His spirit, his soul talked to me frequently and helped me to understand the toxic dynamics I was caught in. When we met in 2018, I had just discovered, that I was able to talk to all kinds of energies, for example Jesus. Between 2016 and 2020 I was talking to all sorts of beings in the universe as well as souls of dead or living people. So David’s soul became my soul mate, literally. He felt like my spirit human, guiding me in the process of understanding the choice of men I was still taking during that time.

When spirits talk to me, they behave the way that I can best understand them. Davids soul would be blunt and humorous but loving at the same time. He became my companion for some years.

I never told him in “real life”. I always had the impression he thinks I am crazy, so telling him that I talk to his soul was no option and not necessary. He made quite an impression to me and changed my life in ways, he might never know.

He didn’t tell me he was in Berlin, of course. But somehow I had this feeling we would meet in my city. Well, I was wrong.

Why have I decided to write this?

EVERYONE has one or two or even more DAVIDS in their lives. There are people who are meant to meet us, who are meant to drop one word, one sentence, that changes EVERYTHING; who are meant to reject and hurt us, as well as love us and cherish us.

I have changed a thousand times since my encounter with David. But I am at this point in my life, where I am able to see: It could never have been different with me and him. Our purpose was served.

To end this lovestory, which it is, I have learned one more thing from David: Just because it means something to me, doesn’t mean, it means something (or the same) for the other person.

Read that again

I love you, thank you and appreciate you David, for being my lover, my inspiration, my teacher and soul mate.

“If a writer falls in love with you, you`ll never die”.